Yes, I've Been Avoiding You

I had another miscarriage. At least I'm pretty darn sure I did. Last month I had implantation bleeding 10 DPO. I know that is what it was because the only other time I have experienced that was when I was pregnant. There were other things too like my boobs were sore until the day my period arrived rather than until a week before my period. For me that is very strange and again has only happened one other time - when I was  pregnant.  I went to see my doctor. She said that it was ovulation bleeding.  REALLY!? Ovulation bleeding 10 days after ovulation? Thanks Doc but that doesn't add up for me.
I really feel alone this time. Am I making it up in my head? Do I tell people? Will they believe me? All of these questions and emotions have been swirling around in my mind. I want to talk about it, no, actually I don't - I'm fine. Ok, ok, maybe I'm not fine but I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to deal with it. I don't want to know for sure if it's true that I had a SECOND miscarriage. If it is true, not only does it totally suck but then I have to face the reality that I lost another baby and the questions of "can I have a healthy pregnancy?".
So to answer your question, yes I've been a avoiding you. I've been sad and need to have "sad space" for a while. You are so happy and I want you to be happy. I'll be back soon, I just need to be sad for a little while. I love you and I'm sorry
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❤️ Christa