We Suffer in Silence, but no more

I had a missed miscarriage in January 2014. I was shocked, devastated, disappointed and alone. When we get pregnant we are not `supposed` to tell anyone until after the first trimester for fear that we will have a miscarriage and have to tell everyone. My husband and I chose to tell our immediate family and close friends. When I miscarried everyone was `sorry' and supportive. My sister brought meals and helped with my almost three year old son. My friend and mom in law brought flowers. Everyone was lovely. It took me a week just to feel a little bit `normal`. Once I began coming out of my funk and I began talking to my friends, I was amazed at how many of them had miscarried themselves. Why did I not know before? Why did they suffer in silence?

I think I have figured out at least partially why when women miscarry we suffer in silence. Some of the people that I told about the miscarriage where very uncomfortable (people who had not miscarried themselves). I could see it rising on their face, their muscles tensing in fear of saying the wrong thing. Looking at me as if I was about to explode with tears and they where ill equipped to 'deal' with me. Truth is, I know you are sorry, I know you don't know what to say, I know you haven't experienced what I am going through. It's ok. If I need to talk about it, let me talk, if I need to cry let me cry without you calling a shrink. If I want to talk about the weather, or future plans listen to me. I think we don't share what we are going through because of how other people react to us. I think we feel like we are "too much' for them. We aren't suddenly made of glass. We feel like we may shatter but not in the way that you think.

Some people blame themselves for their miscarriage or feel guilt that maybe they did something wrong. I do not feel this guilt and I'm not too sure how many people feel this guilt but I think we are expected to feel it. I think people are surprised when we want to try again right away. You know it's ok to ask questions so you can understand what your friend who miscarried is going through. And if your friends are 'afraid' of you. I urge you to be courageous enough to tell them how you feel, explain to them that you aren't on but that is ok.

I don't want to suffer in silence. Have I made it public on facebook what I have gone through? No, I'm not ready. I haven't even shared my story on this blog yet. BUT I will. We need to support each other, whether it's sharing a song that can help us let go of the tears so we can grieve or simply knowing that our story is being heard and hearing other peoples stores. Lets not suffer in silence. Let support each other and when we are ready lets tell those around us so that they don't have to suffer in silence too.

Send me your story and if you are ok with it I would love to post it to my blog.

♥ Sally