I don't know what to tell you today. I have been doing really well, almost great. I have been happy and continuing on with my life. Then I have these moments, where I wonder if I'm crazy because I seem to be moving on, or not thinking about it or whatever. Then I just keep going like the freaking energizer bunny; planning this, organizing that, cooking, cleaning. I have moments when I want to cry but I just don't have tears. The more I allow myself to grieve the realer it becomes. If I just ignore it will it go away? Will I wake up one day and realize this was all a bad dream?
I love to hear other peoples' stories it really helps me to know I am not alone. That other people look at pregnant woman and feel angry, or are jealous of their sister or best friend. However some people have pretty horrific stories. The more I hear these stories the more I feel like I got off easy. Maybe I don't have the right to grieve and mourn because I got off "easy". Maybe I am supposed to move on and pretend like nothing ever happened.
Ahhh but I can't DO that! Because something DID happen! My baby stopped developing and died in my womb. That loss is, at least for me at this point, is indescribable. It is a sorrow so deep within my soul it cannot find its way out; It's lost. If I don't grieve, I fear what it will do to me in the years to come. I do not want it to fester within me like a poison. I must gather the courage that it will take to face it and overcome it.
Have a listen to this song, I'm finding it really comforting and I hope you do too.
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