Realizing

This is going to be a process.
I can't just change in the drop of a hat and suddenly be satisfied with where I am at and not being pregnant.
I have been planning activities to do with my son and preparing crafts etc but I realized something. I really do want another child, I really do wan to go through pregnancy even if it's miserable. I want to be pregnant so badly and I hate that it is so out if my control!
I do all the right things, drink this don't drink that, eat this don't eat that, excersise, have sex these days, rest and here I am with an empty womb. Sigh.
I've gotten into this thinking that it's so easy for everyone else. Which I know isn't true - everyone has their story.